Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
