their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
