If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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