We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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