YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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