you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
