I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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