I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize