So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
