you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
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