Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
