Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize