I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
