Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
