If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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