he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
