You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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