I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize