i don't plan on having that self control this summer
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
