i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
