you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
