Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
