she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
