Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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