Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
