I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
