Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
