Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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