Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
