I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Four minutes until I can fart!
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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