so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
