apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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