OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
