Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
