You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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