Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
