I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
