If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i think i have two assholes
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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