I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Hippo gnu deer
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
