He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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