grandma shit on top of the toilet
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
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