Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
