I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i wish my penis had a tongue
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
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