He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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