Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
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