like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
