dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
