May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
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I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
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He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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