we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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