So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
