We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
