you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
a search helicopter?!
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
