Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You should frame my arrest warrant.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
