do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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