Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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