His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
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did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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