he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
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He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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