New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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