I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
