I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
