i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
