I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
