How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
