I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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