he puts the penis in happiness.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
send nudes
from the living room?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
