i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
be right there i have to get my cape
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
