I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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