Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
