Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Hippo gnu deer
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
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