we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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