Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
