when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just blew my weed a kiss
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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