saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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