Farmville is her only friend.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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