No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
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It was like giving head to a cactus.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
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I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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