so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
