glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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