That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Oh god it's open bar.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
