We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
