I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
